I find it kinda funny. I find it kinda sad. [entries|friends|calendar] the_killingmoon [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

class="comments"> 3 Decided to Fuck me [17 Apr 2005|04:23pm] hi

class="comments"> 1 Decided to Fuck me Alright People!! [11 Apr 2005|07:03pm] Alright, if you want to continue to be a part of my livejournal life, you much switch over to my NEW journal: New_Age_Gore It's friend's only so go comment to be added. NOW!!

class="comments"> Fuck me [07 Apr 2005|09:09pm] Alright people. this think is getting frustrating. I need someone to go in there and make everything red, white, and black themed. I've done everything else. You can add cool effects if you want. Also, I keep only putting those three colors up and for some reason something yellow has come up...? Help!

class="comments"> 2 Decided to Fuck me News!!! YOU ALL NEED TO READ [07 Apr 2005|07:23pm] [ mood | busy ] Well, I'm changing my journal. Same layout, and everything, just new name. I need holding_marilyn to go into my name and copy and paste everything into my new journal to make it exactly like the one i have now. Also, I need you to post that friends only picture I commented on your thing about. My new journal is : New_Age_Gore Same password. This will be FRIENDS ONLY

class="comments"> 8 Decided to Fuck me Alright people! [05 Apr 2005|09:10pm] [ mood | bouncy ] This will be my last public entry. My dearest, lovely friend holding_marilyn is working on a friends only sign for me. So, you know the drill. Leave a comment and I'll add you.

class="comments"> 4 Decided to Fuck me C'mon people! [04 Apr 2005|08:21pm] Alright, who's willing to help a damsel in distress right here?? I really need help with the layout, so where's my knight in shining armor?C'mon anybody?!?!?

class="comments"> 1 Decided to Fuck me Desperately needed [03 Apr 2005|10:20pm] [ mood | aggravated ] I'm changing my layout and I desperately need help with it. If you actually know what you're doing, PLEASE help me!!! It's nothing complicated. Okay, you know how my little box's with text and entries is on the right...well I need it on the left. and I need this to be my background :http://blogsimages.skynet.be/images/000/204/006_Dj_Dita.jpg If you want to help me, please do so! Just comment so I can give you my password to do it. I love you guys!

class="comments"> 2 Decided to Fuck me Comment and fill this out! [03 Apr 2005|09:53pm] [ mood | blah ] 1. What is your name? Brielle 2.What color underwear are you wearing right now? Black 3. What are you listening to right now? MSI 4.What are the last two digits of your phone number? 70 5. What was the last thing you ate? A blueberry muffin (my fav!) 6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Tickle Me Pink 7. How is the weather right now? Cold and windy 8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Ian... 9.What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Don't know... 10. Favorite Food? Blueberry muffin 11. Favorite Drink? Cherry Coke 12. Favorite Alcoholic drink? Green Apple Sweet and Sour Shnapps (sp?), that and Vodka 13. Favorite place to shop? Thrift Stores 14. Hair Color? Pink and Blue 15. Eye Color? Blue,grey,green...take your pick 16. Do you wear contacts? No,but I should 17. Last person you kissed? Ian 18. Favorite Month? January 19. Favorite Fast Food? Wendy's 20. Last Movie you Watched? Sin City 21. Favorite Day of the Year? October 31 22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Depending on who it is and how much I like them 23. Summer or Winter? Winter 24. Hugs or Kisses? Kisses 25. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla 26. Fall or Spring? Fall 27. Dream Car? A corvette 28. Favorite state? Anywhere but here! 29. Favorite Subject? Art 30. What books are you reading? None at the moment 31. What's on your mouse pad? Nothing, it's just plain blue...boring eh? 32. Favorite Board Game? Candy Land 33. What did you do last night? Had a nervous breakdown, threatened to kill myself, cried myself to sleep,the usual 34. Favorite chill song? NIN 35. What inspires you? Music 36.Coke or Pepsi? Coke!!! 37. Sweet or unsweetened tea? Sweet 38. Favorite Flower? Roses, I've ALWAYS wanted roses but no one's ever gotten them for me *pout* 39. What do you say when you wake up in the A.M.? God damnit... 40. Do you still talk to your best friend from middle school? Yep.... 41. What's on your desk? A diet coke and a blueberry muffin 42. Rock Concert or Symphony? Rock Concert, depending on the band 43. Play or Opera? Play 44. Have you ever fired a gun? No 45. Do you like to travel by plane? No 46. Right handed or left handed? Right 47. Favorite Band? Marilyn Manson, NIN, MSI, Nirvana, Queen, David Bowie, etc... 48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 49. State and city you were born? Ft. Myers, Florida (Lee Memorial Hospital) 50. Ever hitchhiked? No...

class="comments"> 2 Decided to Fuck me I want you. [03 Apr 2005|07:44pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | "If you leave" (I know I'm a dork) ] So today was boring. I guess I've calmed down a little bit from yesterday. Believe me guys, I'm fine. Don't worry about stupid little me.I'm just a stupid little girl remember? Well, today I went to get my haircut. Exciting...yeah it turned out good and I like it. Not much else happened. I spent the day with my mom without her going on any extreme bipolar rages, so yeah I guess that's good? MY LITTLE DOLLY I'm just a stupid doll Tattered and beaten by you. My eyes have lost their gloss. My heart is ripped in two. I'm just your stupid plaything. Worn from years of hurt. My lips have lost their color. My hands are crusted with dirt. My hair is matted together. The color is faded away. My heart hurts more than ever. All I want is to play. All I want is your attention. Anything to show you care. A hug, A kiss, anything. Just acknowledge I'm even there. My eyes have lost their life. There's nothing left but an empty shell. No soul, no heart, not anything. Just another doll to sell. My porcelain skin is dirty. My dress is torn and stained. A beauty that used to be there Is now replaced by pain. Now I sit on this shelf. A price around my wrist. All I wanted was your love Just to know that I exist.

class="comments"> Fuck me What's the worst that I could say? [02 Apr 2005|11:13pm] I'd love to just give in. I'd love to believe this lie. I'd love to just be numb. I'd love to let you die. Why can't you let me go? Why can't you stop this pain? Why won't it ever stop? Why can't I just seem sane? You were all I ever wanted And now look what you've done Please I'm begging, Let me go Look, you've had your fun. What am I supposed to say? I would die just for you. I hurt myself, died inside. And you never even knew. If I really hated you, Then why am I hiding these tears? Why am I giving in, To every one of these fears?

class="comments"> Fuck me Last Day On Earth [02 Apr 2005|10:53pm] [ mood | crushed ] So, not much is up other than my whole world crashing around me. I've got nothing but self doubt and pain hiding behind every thought. I decided that within the next week, I'll be dead. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the bullshit, the lies. It's not fair to me. Or to anyone for that matter. So,expect new scars, expect new tears, expect more pain. I just wish you all could feel what I feel just so you knew what it was like. Joey, I love you. Cassie, I love you. Troy, I love you. Dawn, I love you. Even you richard... Someone shoot me, or I'll do it myself.

class="comments"> Fuck me Can you help me? [02 Apr 2005|05:52am] [ mood | gloomy ] So, it's 5:52 AM and I can't sleep and ever key I hit sounds louder and louder. I miss her. She hasn't answered any of my letters. She promised she would. She was supposed to be the one I died with. I love her and now I know she's the only one that's loved me. I love her, and only her and I will for the rest of my life. I can't go through this again...She died before. I can't keep trying to accept that she's dead and then come to find out she's not. I just feel like I'm going insane. All I want is Addy. She is the only thing that will never hurt me. I really want to go kill myself. I feel so ugly outside and inside. The cutting doesn't help anymore. I can't even feel it. There are scars on my arm, that I don't even remember putting there. I promised her that I wouldn't do this to myself and now look at me. I don't know what's happened to me. It's like all the life has been sucked out of me.I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I never will. Maybe things won't ever get better like I've always been told. I know that you guys don't want to hear this shit so if you haven't already closed this, you probably will soon. I know people care. I just don't know why they care. That, and their caring and love just don't seem to affect me.She was the only one who could ever get anything out of me. Every bottle of pills I see There's new hope in my eyes Every razor hidden away Cutting through my disguise You promised this wouldn't happen You promised you'd be there. You said you'd always love me. You said you'd always care. You said you'd hold me close If, and when I died. But where the fuck were you Everytime I cried? Now that I finally need you I find out you're not there. I find out you never loved me. I find out you never cared. Now you see the real me You've ripped away at my disguise Ripping all the pieces Ignoring all the cries. I'm just a scared little girl Who only needed a friend. Someone to tell me that it's okay. Someone to hold me in the end. I sit alone in my corner With all my tattered toys. Separated from the world that hurt me. Away from all the girls and boys. My dress is stained with blood. My arms are scarred and torn. They never knew I was hurting From the minute I was born. Now you see this little girl. And all she needed was a friend. Someone to hold her when she cried. Someone to make the pain finally end.

class="comments"> Fuck me Bleh.. [01 Apr 2005|12:32am] [ mood | guilty ] So, I had a chance to get drunk tonight but as usual it didn't work out. I really need it so most likely sometime this weekend or next week, I'll end up drinking alone and wallowing in my own self pity. So anyways...^_^ Yeah, I found out earlier that Ian wanted to break up with ME...or so everyone says. So it leaves me to wonder...if you claimed to have loved me and cared about me so much, what the fuck? I don't know. Maybe I don't deserve someone as good as he is. I hope that he finds someone who makes him happy and someone better than I'll ever be because he deserves it. So...now goes the search for a girlfriend. I don't know who it's going to be yet but I'm definately just taking it a little slow, ya know? I mean, I've had a girlfriend before, but this time I just want to take my time. So, not much is going on other than me feeling like total shit....SOMEONE SHOOT ME!

class="comments"> 5 Decided to Fuck me Full frontal drugs [31 Mar 2005|04:58pm] [ mood | crappy ] So, I broke up with Ian. I think he's pretty pissed, but I mean think about it. It's like if he were dating a guy and he wasn't gay. I don't know. Part of me feels so relieved that I've gotten that over with and part of me feels really upset. Like maybe I made a mistake or something....Oh well, ever since I've come to realize this thing, I feel like a huge weight's been lifted off my shoulder. I still feel like a horrible person. Hopefully the future holds more pleasant things for me although I'm sure Ian wishes differently.

class="comments"> Fuck me to: ian [31 Mar 2005|04:31pm] [ mood | distressed ] Ian, hey. whats up? I know I've never written you a note before, but these are unusual circumstances. First of all, let me say thank you for all you've done for me. You were the only person to pick me back up and actually make me believe I was worth something. You made me feel alive again. But there is something you need to know. I've been battling with this for a while...and I need to let you know before this goes any further. Bleh..I'm gay. God, I feel like such an asshole telling you but it's who I am and now that I've fully realized it, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. In the beginning,when we first started dating, I just wanted to see if I was or not. I never expected you to love me or me to love you. I DO love you, just not in the same way you love me. I feel so bad for this. Believe me, I'd never intentionally cause you pain. That's why I'm telling you now. You deserve someone better than me anyways, even if I was straight. This is not something I'm doing just to hurt you or just an excuse to break up. It's who I am. I needed to do this for me. I still love you and I hope we can still be friends and talk. Maybe even hang out, but I just can't date you anymore. I hope you're not toomad at me and even if you are I deserve it. I'm so sorry... Love, Brielle

class="comments"> 1 Decided to Fuck me Nothing ever happened [30 Mar 2005|01:11pm] [ mood | crazy ] Gah, last night was horrible. I officially broke down.I couldn't move, talk, walk...anything. I was completely helpless. Everyone wanted me to say something, anything, but I couldn't get any words out. I tried so hard to just say anything and I was just screaming "I'm okay!" down inside but it never came to the surface.Unfortunately the only thing that did come to the surface was every painful memory. Everytime I cried and wished my mother would hold me instead of scream at me, everytime I sat alone on the playground, everytime I wished someone was there, everytime someone hurt me, everytime I hurt myself, everytime I cried and felt so alone. I just broke down crying and sat in joey's chair and didn't move for hours or so it seemed. I physically could not move. I tried so hard, but nothing happened. I'm still feeling the same today but I'm in a less veggie-like stage. I don't feel like talking much and I just want to be alone. Actually I just want to see someone I love. I'm just freaked out right now. Someone shoot me or at least hand me the gun so I can do it myself.

class="comments"> 5 Decided to Fuck me *sigh* [29 Mar 2005|04:15pm] [ mood | confused ] Today was boring. Yesterday I went to the mall with Cassie and Ian. It was fun. We saw the ring 2 although some of it wasn't watched at all. Anyways...There's too much drama going on right now. Ian, I'm sorry about Cassie being here 24/7 but there's alot of tension between her and joey right now. Joey, I'm sorry you think we're talking shit about you but you know me better than that and if you think for a minute that I don't love you with all my heart, well then forget it. There's just too much confusion right now. I'm so confused about alot of things. I don't want to post them here because I'm scared of what some people might say. Cassie is the only person that knows. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than I already have. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I love Ian, but I'm confused right now. Maybe I just don't know what to do when I actually find something that's good for me. I don't know. Just don't talk shit about me unless you know the whole story. Cassie is the only one that knows the whole story so she's really the only person that can say anything right now. Bleh, I really wish I could just post everything here, but there's too many people that read this that I care about. I'm just hoping this is all resolved with time and it'll just go away, but it's who I am...so I don't know if it will. I'll be fine, don't worry about me guys.

class="comments"> Fuck me Just below horrible.... [28 Mar 2005|07:21am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Deftones ] Bleh..I just woke up and I'm waiting for Cassie to get here. I had a nightmare last night..They're getting more and more frequent and worse. This one wasn't as bad as some of the ones I've had but still pretty bad. Anyways, I'm hoping today will be a good day seeing as how cassie is going to be here and all. Ian wants 'alone' time with me and cassie and joey are always around. Everybody wants me to come over at one time and there's only one of me so I figured maybe if we all just hung out together it'd be okay. Apparently not.... I know what he means though and it's not fair to him. He's the best thing that's happened to me and the only guy I've dated that genuinly cares about me. He's been the only person that's helped me believe that maybe I'm not just a worthless piece of shit like my parents have led me to believe. Anyways, Cassie will be here any minute so I'll update later. Love you guys

class="comments"> 2 Decided to Fuck me Your mom... [27 Mar 2005|12:24pm] [ mood | amused ] Hmm Today was boring..considering I just woke up. Umm..not much is going on today. I'm going to see if tommorrow I can go to Cassie's or Joey's, or anyone's house that might want me. I'm feeling better though so I guess that's good. But you know me, one minute I'm happy and the next I'm ready to shoot myself so who knows what the next few days may hold. Umm I really don't know what to write about. Oh yeah... To all my friends or even "special friends" -_^ : 'Lemme beat 'dem cheeks'

class="comments"> 3 Decided to Fuck me Long night.... [26 Mar 2005|08:25am] [ mood | awake ] So last night was Rocky...It was pretty fun. I wasn't in the best mood and I can't blame the people that didn't want to be around me because of it. It was mainly because Joey didn't want to go and I don't know, it just seems like she never wants to be with me anymore or do anything with me. She's one of the only people that means something,if not that most, to me so you can imagine why that hurts. Anyways, pretty much my whole world is crashing down around me, so I found it hard to concentrate on Rocky. Later on, after we had dropped everyone off, me, troy, dawn, and some other guy went to a church. Then we sat in the girls bathroom and talked and then got kicked out. So then, we went to Wallmart which was fun. Troy got me a pink and white checkerboard bunny and I named him Rupert....it's our lovechild. He could tell I was pretty upset so he didn't want to leave me alone at Joey's. Then we all went to IHOP, though I didn't get anything. We still had a good time and Troy kept trying to get me to eat with the whole "Here comes the plane...". I just kept thinking....Who eats planes? After everyone went home, around 6:00, Troy and me came back here. After a half an hour to an hour he was out. Not to long after that I was out too. So, all in all, I still had a good night even though I'm going through a mid-life crisis and I'm only 15. Bye to everyone and I love you guys.

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